Life is filled with pain, joy, angels, demons, adventures and boredom. We are moved along by time and circumstances making all the choices we can, trying desperately to control the outcome of our lives. Every move we make is made in attempt to attain something and avoid something else.
You attempt to attain a connection by perusing relationships in an effort to avoid loneliness. You end a relationship to avoid more pain in an effort to improve your situation. School, work, friends, everything is a choice powered by the motivation of momentum.
Here is the small piece of wisdom I am gleaning from this journey. It is all essentially relative. Maybe you’re avoiding pain and loneliness, maybe your avoiding vulnerability, maybe your avoiding mediocrity. The wonderful truth of it is though that most of these things we claw to avoid are an inevitability. In the words of Shakespeare there is nothing neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so. Love, loneliness, vulnerability, it will happen. The only thing you have the power to control is your ability to take things as they come, being able to change the plan, to let go, to adjust.
Most importantly I think the key is to not let your fear control your decisions. Fear is healthy and to a degree necessary but if you want something, if everything you are is telling you it is something you need but that sinking feeling in your stomach is telling you to run like hell take a moment to evaluate the situation. Are you afraid because you really think this is going to be something bad for you, or are you just scared that history will repeat it’s self?
I am not saying put yourself in the line of fire, I’m just saying fear is the inhibitor of life, rigidity keeps us from seeing all that can be seen or experiencing all we have the potential to experience.
Tell your fear that you are worth it, win lose or draw risks make life worth living. Taking huge risks small risks everyday risks, they are what define us as the living. Take the risks that matter, win lose or draw you will probably at the very least experience something that is a basic essential reminder that you are in fact alive.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tucker Max, God's Mistake
Okay, so I have been reaching levels of cheesiness and fluffitude (yes it is my word, yes you can have it) that rivals even the most nauseating of child stars, with my latest blog posts. Because I need to put some level of nastiness out in the world to maintain the balance of good and evil I am going to write about possibly the worst human being to walk North America since Sean Hannity. I am speaking of course, about Tucker Max. As you may or may not know Tucker Max is the author of a book, “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”, filled with true (some possibly exaggerated) stories about his exploits.
“Well that doesn’t sound so bad why are you ragging on him?” Because the short stories chronicle misogynistic, selfish and at times border maniacal antics perpetrated by Max. Granted some stories give me hope in Karma, most of them make me lose faith in humanity. This is how I viewed this book until I realized something, it is hilarious.
What makes something funny? Generally something is funny because it points at the absurd and exaggerates it. Tucker Max, if even half of his stories are true, is a walking parody of humanity. He is everything wrong with the average man. He is the reason women are jaded but he is such a dick it is comical. The book “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” is now becoming a movie.
I will be seeing this movie and I will be laughing hysterically. I won’t be laughing because I think that Tucker Max is the greatest man alive (as some think). I will not be laughing because I myself am as big a douche as Max. I will be laughing at the dramatization of God’s mistake.
But the most important part I think, is that I will be laughing.
“Well that doesn’t sound so bad why are you ragging on him?” Because the short stories chronicle misogynistic, selfish and at times border maniacal antics perpetrated by Max. Granted some stories give me hope in Karma, most of them make me lose faith in humanity. This is how I viewed this book until I realized something, it is hilarious.
What makes something funny? Generally something is funny because it points at the absurd and exaggerates it. Tucker Max, if even half of his stories are true, is a walking parody of humanity. He is everything wrong with the average man. He is the reason women are jaded but he is such a dick it is comical. The book “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” is now becoming a movie.
I will be seeing this movie and I will be laughing hysterically. I won’t be laughing because I think that Tucker Max is the greatest man alive (as some think). I will not be laughing because I myself am as big a douche as Max. I will be laughing at the dramatization of God’s mistake.
But the most important part I think, is that I will be laughing.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Top Five Most Important Things the People Who Raised Me Said (and what I learned from it.)
Top Five Most Important Things the People Who Raised Me Said (and what I learned from it.)
In no particular order
1. What did you learn from this?” –Mom-
Translation: There certainly is a reason for everything even if that reason is not so apparent. The reason may not be some predestined plan but something you have to figure out for yourself. Learn from everything.
2. “You can smoke, you can drink, but if you do both at the same time get ready for the worst night of your life holding on to the walls of the room that is spinning” –Dad-
Translation: Happiness is found in moderation, lead the life you want to live but do so with common sense
3. “Question everything.” –Grandma
Translation: Absolutely nothing is as it seems and individuality is found in doubt and the exploration of that doubt.
4. “When you’re in a fight keep swinging, if you get caught in the mouth just spit out your teeth, spit out the blood and just keep swinging.” –Dad
Translation: Never give up, ever. No matter the circumstances pick yourself up, dust yourself off and “just keep swinging.”
5. “Kyle Duane I will run you over, back up and run you over again just to make sure the job is done.” –Aunt Sharon
Translation: Don’t piss off my Aunt Sharon.
In no particular order
1. What did you learn from this?” –Mom-
Translation: There certainly is a reason for everything even if that reason is not so apparent. The reason may not be some predestined plan but something you have to figure out for yourself. Learn from everything.
2. “You can smoke, you can drink, but if you do both at the same time get ready for the worst night of your life holding on to the walls of the room that is spinning” –Dad-
Translation: Happiness is found in moderation, lead the life you want to live but do so with common sense
3. “Question everything.” –Grandma
Translation: Absolutely nothing is as it seems and individuality is found in doubt and the exploration of that doubt.
4. “When you’re in a fight keep swinging, if you get caught in the mouth just spit out your teeth, spit out the blood and just keep swinging.” –Dad
Translation: Never give up, ever. No matter the circumstances pick yourself up, dust yourself off and “just keep swinging.”
5. “Kyle Duane I will run you over, back up and run you over again just to make sure the job is done.” –Aunt Sharon
Translation: Don’t piss off my Aunt Sharon.
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Gays are At It Again!...
The Lutheran Church (ELCA not Missouri synod) had a vote today. The vote was to decide if those churches affiliated with the ELCA branch of Lutheranism should be allowed to have openly gay people who are in or plan on being in a monogamous relationship be pastors of a church.
The vote is in and it is now up to each congregation in that particular branch of Lutheranism to decide if it is appropriate for them to have a gay pastor. If that particular congregation says “yes, we think this man is a man of God and would like him leading us in our walk with God, and we don’t care about his sexual orientation.” Than the ELCA will not stand in the way of that.
This is an obvious hot button topic and me being me, I have to press it. One would assume that a church has to uphold the doctrine it attests too…however this vote is a major change in the doctrine of the ELCA. I don’t have anything to say here really. I don’t really go to church anymore let alone a Lutheran church but I felt like shaking the hornets nest.
I think I have a good idea on what I will hear but I am interested in the opinions of my friends so, with no further ado…GO!
The vote is in and it is now up to each congregation in that particular branch of Lutheranism to decide if it is appropriate for them to have a gay pastor. If that particular congregation says “yes, we think this man is a man of God and would like him leading us in our walk with God, and we don’t care about his sexual orientation.” Than the ELCA will not stand in the way of that.
This is an obvious hot button topic and me being me, I have to press it. One would assume that a church has to uphold the doctrine it attests too…however this vote is a major change in the doctrine of the ELCA. I don’t have anything to say here really. I don’t really go to church anymore let alone a Lutheran church but I felt like shaking the hornets nest.
I think I have a good idea on what I will hear but I am interested in the opinions of my friends so, with no further ado…GO!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Shadow Box Vol. 1
This is my first attempt at a story like this but I would like feed back.
The air is dry, the sun unrelenting, the sand smoldering. The desert is a slave driver with no mercy or concern for human life, it just takes. It dissolves every useful thing in your body just because it can. These are the things running through Jacob’s mind as he digs his chisel into each slab of granite. 100 men, a quarter of a million dollars and six months in hell, still no results.
Jacob was hand picked for this assignment. Actually ’picked’ is putting it lightly, more like he was hunted down like a rabid dog for this dig. He was an unsung aficionado of lost and rare artifacts. He worked for seven years as the head librarian of The Library of Congress. He was the catch all of knowledge at the Smithsonian for over 12 years. If you worked in the Smithsonian and you needed something found out Dr. Jacob was your man. Some how, however for all his knowledge and expertise traditional success still eluded him, in fact this was Jacob’s first substantial dig.
Jacob was always just missing the big discoveries. He was in the Congo researching a dieing civilization when he should have been in Egypt uncovering Tut’s tomb. He was vacationing in the Himalayans when he should have been in the Middle East unearthing new insights into the possibility of a real, honest to goodness Eden. That was the first vacation he had taken in six years and the last vacation he has taken since. He was laughed off the stage when presenting his theories on the very artifact he was now digging for.
Jacob was torn when he was offered this job. On the one hand this could be his big break, his synch in the book of history. On the other hand if half of what he researched about what he was looking for was true, any sane man would be running in the other direction. Than Jacob saw the check. He was on the next flight heading to the Sahara.
Jacob could hear hoof beats in the distance. He put his chisel down, grabbed a jug of water and made his way out of the dig sight to go greet his employer. Reed was nice enough, but he was an adventurer. Adventurers like Reed were unforgivably flawed in Jacob’s estimation. Reed always had a gun on each hip, a cowboy hat on his head, a messenger bag on his back and a slight madness in his eyes. If it weren’t for that look in his eyes Jacob would have written Reed off as another Indiana Jones wannabe.
Reed made his millions buying and selling priceless artifacts to who ever could get the price right. Jacob did admire Reed though, if for no other reason than for the most part he was generous. Reed looked out for number one 99.9% of the time but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a compass.
Reed was among those responsible for the uncovering of the Dead Sea Scrolls. He never made it in the papers though. That’s because instead of selling them to someone who could have turned him from millionaire to billionaire he handed them over to more knowledgeable hands. He understood the Scroll’s importance. No good deed goes un-punished however and Reed’s name was lost to oblivion.
Reed climbed off his horse to greet Jacob. “Dr.Jacob!” Reed said with a smile on his face. “How the hell are we not neck deep in fame and fortune by now, Jesus H man, thought you were the best?” Reed said laughing. That was something else that confused Jacob. Reed never got angry, about anything. Reed was once robbed of an extremely rare gold likeness of King Herod. The artifact would have been Reed’s biggest pay off to date if his best friend hadn’t taken it at gun point. Rumor is Reed just laughed and asked his partner, James, if he wanted it gift wrapped. That kind of confidence unsettled Jacob. Than again James went missing two weeks later.
“ It’s a matter of resources Reed, this kind of dig needs twice as many men as you have provided, not to sound ungrateful but frankly sir, it’s like dusting for cat shit in a sand box with a feather.” Jacob explained as he took a swig from his jug of water. “I’m just taken the piss out of you Jacob.” Reed said slapping Jacob’s arm causing him to spill a little bit of water on himself. Just then one of the diggers came running up to Jacob. “DR.JACK, DR.JACK WE NEED YOU DOWN HERE!” Jacob rolled his eyes. “HOW MANY TIMES MANUEL, MY NAME IS JACOB!” He yelled back as he followed the digger. Reed adjusted his hat as he followed behind Jacob.
Jacob rushed down to a circle of diggers, all looking down at a spot about ten feet from the wall they were working on. Jacob pushed his way through the crowd. “Move, move, what is it?” Reed kept peeking up on his toes trying to see the commotion, not wanting to push through the crowed he was content to peer. Jacob’s smile quickly faded from his face when he got to the center of the commotion only to find that the 50 gallon drum of water they were using to refill there bottles had sprung a leak.
Jacob stood stunned for a moment than tilted his head to the sky with his eyes closed. “Manuel…what the fuck is this?” “Dr. Jack we need water what are we going to do when this leaks all the water out?” Jacob with his head still tilted and eyes till shut extended his arm and index finger up and to the right directing the crowds gaze to a large tanker truck. “THAT, Manuel, is FILLED with water. In fact if my memory serves me YOU drove that god damn eyesore to this site.” Jacob lowered his gaze to Manuel. “Of course I use the term ‘drive’ loosely. More like you careened that hunk of shit half way across the desert like a drunken palsy victim with a Tonka truck. But than again why should I be surprised? You and your ‘team’”, Jacob said making exaggerated air quotes “Has done nothing but display stunning mediocrity in the face of even the most mundane of tasks.”
“I mean honestly Manuel you and your men are like a failed government experiment! Remember last week?! When you had the big break through…what was it?” “Dr. Jack.” Manuel said as he pointed at the ground at Jacob’s feet. “NO MANUEL WHY DON’T YOU TELL OUR EMPLOYER WHAT YOUR BIG FUCKING BREAK THROUGH WAS!” Manuel still pointing said once again “Dr. Jack.” “IT WAS CAMEL SHIT WASN’T IT? Not just camel shit though, oh no, it was YOUR CAMEL’S SHIT!” Reed pushed through the crowed and his eyes grew wide when he looked at Jacob’s feet. “Dr. Jack you should…” Manuel said again only to be interrupted by Jacob’s rampage. “I should what Manuel? Calm down? Stop yelling? First you stop being incompetent than maybe I will stop yelling!” Reed attempted to interrupt pointing at Jacob’s feet he says “Dr. Jacob you really should loo-“ Jacob cut Reed off as well. “I MEAN HONESTLY REED, where did you find this bunch of inbred, moronic, missing link pieces o- woa shiiiiiiii.” Jacob’s rampage was cut short and Jacob felt himself falling through the earth into nothing.
Reed rushed through the crowed and peered over the edge of the now gaping chasm. “Dr. Jacob?” “fuuuuck, Manuel…I still blame you.” “As I was saying Jacob, you should have been looking at what the water was doing to the ground, I would have tried harder to tell you the ground was coming apart underneath you but…ya know…you were just so intent.” Reed said with a laugh. “Thanks Reed.” Jacob said under his breath as he picked himself up and dusted himself off. “Will someone please throw me a flash light or something?” Jacob yelled out. A hard hart with an LED light attached fell at Jacob’s feet. Jacob attached the helmet, turned on the light and looked around. “What do you see?” Reed yelled down.
Jacob took a few steps forward, he had fallen on an incline, the further he walked the larger this under ground temple got. Eventually Jacob’s light illuminated a wall in front of him. He traced the wall with his light from top to bottom, easy fifty feet high, maybe twenty feet wide, Jacob thought. By its position Jacob could tell it was apart of what they had been chipping at all morning. When Jacob looked closer he could see writing all over the wall. Jacob looked wide eyed. “Fuck my mother.” Jacob said under his breath. “What was that Doctor?” Reed shouted down. “You better get down here Reed.” Jacob yelled up.
Within minutes Reed was climbing down a ladder that had been bolted to the ground, with his own hard hat on. Jacob was on one knee examining the wall. “What do you got for me Doctor?” “Nothing good, well it’s good but it’s not.” Reed lets out a chuckle and says “care to elaborate?” “Well you see this here?” Jacob says pointing above there head. “This is a warning, now I am not one for superstition but generally a warning means traps, traps mean danger.” “Wait a minute.” Reed interrupts “You mean to tell me that all that Temple of Doom crap is for real?” “Sometimes yeah, but it’s a crap shoot, sometimes it’s a few inactive booby traps sometimes there just defective and sometimes they are still fully active. This wall talks of guards of the damned, standing watch over hell’s parcel.” Reed raises his eyebrows and looks at Jacob. “Hell’s parcel?” “Yeah, I called it The Shadow Box in my report, ancient Greeks called it Pandora’s box, the Mayans didn’t even give it a name, who ever had the relic last must have named it Hell’s parcel.”
Reed kept staring at Jacob. “You don’t seem too worried about that description Doctor.” Jacob stood to his feet as he began to explain himself. “Well it’s no secret that good generally doesn’t follow in the wake of those who have possessed this thing. But than again some think that Solomon’s riches came directly preceding his own discovery of this relic.” “So on top of all of this the damn thing is cursed?” “Don’t be ridiculous” Jacob scoffed still staring at the imposing wall, “Spurious correlations, the Pandora’s Box thing is obviously just a Myth but every culture has an object they deify. The Temples, The Spear of Destiny even Joseph Smith’s gold tablets, we scapegoat people ancient civilization’s liked to scapegoat objects. The bright side however, the only warning I see here is of evil spirits and the fore mentioned guards of the damned.”
“Fantastic” Reed says as he slaps Jacob on the shoulder. “Now what?” Jacob looks at Reed and smiles. “Lets crack this cookie.” “I knew I liked you Dr. Jacob.” Reed said as he slapped Jacob’s arm again.
Within the hour Reed, Jacob and ten terrified diggers where standing in front of the daunting wall armed to the teeth with hiking and camping gear, MREs, flares and water. Jacob lit a flare and the entire chasm lit up. On each corner there were torch stands and Jacob could see now that the incline he fell on could have easily been used as stadium seating. This was defiantly some kind of ancient temple, Jacob thought. “Well” Jacob said as he scratched his forehead, “If this is a temple than where we are standing could just be an entry way, or this wall could serve the same purpose as the iron curtain in Judaism. Either way there should be a latch.” Jacob stood in front of the wall using his flare to examine the writing. Jacob pauses at the far side of the wall and pushes his hand against some lettering. The granite gave way and the goliath like wall turned sideways reveling the passage way behind it. “I see says the blind man.” Jacob whispered.
Reed walked through the passage way first than the digging team. Reed stood at the doorway as if he were stuck. His brow furrowed he was looking at nothing in particular, just listening. Jacob could hear whispers coming closer and closer. The whispering began to mingle and soon the soft voices turned into high pitched, loud, howling. Jacob squeezed his eyes shut, put his hands over his ears and yelled out. “Doctor, you alright?” With the sound of Reed’s voice silence reigned again. Jacob shook his head and walked through the threshold. “No, I’m just- it’s fine lets go.”
The corridor led to a trail that seemed to get narrower as you walked the path. After about three miles of walking the tunnel stopped Narrowing, now it was only seven feet tall and five feet wide. The further they walked the more this daunting feeling haunted Jacob. The closer they traveled away from the entrance the more his fear grew, as if the shadows themselves here gripping at his heart. The walk was silent, Jacob wondered if the rest of the team felt it as well. Of course Reed knew only ambition. With every mile he picked up the pace. His eyes fixed on an imaginary finish line. He continued to charge into the darkness as if it were taunting him. The darkness had a thickness to it that everyone seemed to respect but Reed. Reed just kept on, as if the darkness it’s self where taunting Reed and Reed was responding in kind, cutting through it with his helmets light, bounding in the shadows into the nothingness.
Every few Kilometers Reed would yell something out. “We’re close gentlemen I can feel it.” Or, “Just around this corner I bet.” Jacob did his best to mark the wall or ground every few miles. Around mile six Reed stopped talking all together. At mile eight the team had to jog to keep up with Reed. At mile nine Jacob finally spoke up. “REED! Slow down, I think we should set up camp here.” Reed stopped in his tracks, he looked back at the team and than back into the darkness ahead. “Fine.” Reed said as a child called in for dinner by his mother.
The team sat down almost single file and cracked open there MREs, “Meals Ready to Eat.” Reed said with a chuckle. “Meal, I’ve chewed on rubber more tender than this.” He said as he bit into the unidentified food in his hand. After a few hours Reed and Jacob could hear the team sleeping.
Jacob could hear the whispering again. It stayed low this time, quiet voices calling to him in the night, unable to be fully heard or understood. Jacob sat silently trying to decipher the words he heard in the dark. It had him entranced. Reed, obviously unable to sleep himself, broke the silence that was only silent to everyone but Jacob. “You alright Doctor?” “Hmm? Oh, yeah I’m fine.” “You know,” Reed said, “this reminds me of when I was in South Africa. I was hiking through this cave…” Reed’s voice trailed off. Jacob wasn’t listening to Reed, and he wasn’t exactly sure when Reed stopped talking but six hours after the team had settled in Reed was urging everyone back on the trail.
Reed shined a light on Jacob’s face and was startled at the condition the good doctor was in. “Holy hell man, didn’t you sleep?” Reed asked. Jacob didn’t answer he just gathered his things and stood up. The whispering was constant now. Jacob had to strain to hear what anyone else was saying.
It was only a mile more when the team hit a wall. “Doctor! Get your brilliant head over here, tell me how to open this thing.” Reed shouted. Jacob shined his light on the wall and the whispers grew. Jacob put his hand on the wall than recoiled as if he was burned by it. But when Reed felt the wall it was ice cold. Jacob’s hands flew to his ears, the whispers were screams now, Howling wind, lamenting spirits, deafening shrieks in Jacob’s ears. Jacob let out a scream as he fell to his knees ears still covered.
The team saw the state Jacob was in and they dropped there packs and ran back to the entrance. “Where are you going!” Reed yelled. “YOU STILL HAVE WORK TO DO YOU FUCKING COWARDS!” Reed knelt next to Jacob and put his hand on Jacob’s shoulder. “Doctor! Snap out of it man! DOCTOR!” Just then it was silent again. Total silence, the quiet made Jacob feel ill. He almost would prefer the screaming. “You gonna make it Doctor?” Reed asked. Jacob stood to his feet. “Let’s do this.” He said with anger in his voice.
Jacob stood to his feet now determined to see what was calling to him. He shined his light on the door and saw the same writing that gave him access to the entrance. He pushed in and this time the wall retracted into the ceiling. Reed threw a flare into the dark opening. Jacob and Reed both shielded there eyes when the flare landed and created a ball of fire. The fire settled and then trailed in a circle than outward in trails to the four corners of the room. Now there were four strips of fire coming from the middle of the room lighting up that space. In the middle of the fire circle there was a small pillar; on top of that pillar there was a small wooden box.
In between the trails of fire there where four large statues of men holding axes. “ I suppose those are the ‘guardians’ I have heard so much about.” Reed said as he stepped across the threshold. “I would be careful Reed.” Jacob said. “What’s gonna happen Doctor? Are the big scary stone men going to come to life and get us?” Reed said with a chuckle. Jacob muttered under his breath “could have done with out that thought.”
Reed moved to the middle of the room and stood in front of the ring of fire surrounding the pillar. Reed took a step forward to reach out for the box on the pillar and the block he stepped on gave way about six inches. Reed almost fell face first in the fire. “Reed…don’t move a muscle.” The two waited in silence for a moment, nothing happened. “Okay Reed, I have a feeling as soon as you take your foot off of that thing something very, very bad is about to happen so just stand still.” “So what, you expect me to stand here forever?” “No, just calm yourself Reed let me find something to counter balance your weight.” Jacob said as he looked around the room. “Ya know Jacob I was never very much of a patient man.” Reed said obviously intent on jumping off. I fucking hate adventurers. Jacob thought as he crouched down waiting for what would happen. Reed Jumped off of the block and landed on his back with his hand positioned on the pistol at his side.
They weighted a moment and nothing happened. “Fantastic.” Reed said as he stood up. “Reed, remember when I told you some of these traps are defective?” “Yeah.” “Look at the block.” Both there stomachs dropped when they saw the block that Reed had stepped on had not returned to its original position. Every scrape the block made as it slowly edged back to the surface turned a knife in the both of the explorer’s stomachs. “I’m going for it.” Read said as he reached over the flame. “REED STOP!” Jacob yelled out vainly. Just as Reeds hands were wrapped around the small box the block returned to its position and the sound, a terrible creek, echoed through the room. Reed snatched the box off the pillar and threw his body on the floor. Just as his back hit the floor thousands of pin sized holes opened up in the walls spitting needles across the room. Reed and Jacob made themselves as flush to the ground as possible as the tiny sharp projectiles whizzed in front of there faces.
After thirty seconds the whistling stopped and Jacob looked over at Reed who was holding his leg a pool of blood underneath him. “God Reed, are you okay?” “I’m fine let’s grab this box and go.” Reed grabs the box sitting next to him. Just as the two stood up and faced the door they both heard a slide, the sound of rock on rock. They turned around slowly. “Where the fuck is the pillar?” Jacob said with a mixture of fear and anger in his voice. The sound of gears moving filled the room. “Okay Time to go.” Reed said as he made his way to the door. Just before Reed crossed the threshold the door slams from the ceiling down into the floor.
Reed looked wide eyed around the room for an exit the sound of gears still barreling through the empty space. Jacob could not hear them though just the howling that bellowed in his ears once again. He could feel the whispering in his bones. Jacob just as wide eyed looked around the room, not for the exit but for the source. Without warning the gear noises stopped, so did the howling. The sickening silence crept over both of there hearts.
The silence was short lived however when the sound of stone on stone filled that space once again. “Jacob…tell me something.” “Yeah Reed?” “Do stone statues from an ancient civilization…well are they SUPPOSED to move?” “Not traditionally although my eyes are playing tricks thanks to that tasteless remark you made when you walked in.” “Jacob, tricks they are not.”
Jacob stared hard at the men in the corners of the room…they were moving. The one on the right who was holding the ax over his head is now bringing it down in front of him slowly. The others were pulling themselves out of the wall. “Okay, fuck this.” Reed said as he tried to pull the door open using his bare hands.” “It’s not going to work Reed.” “PESIMIST!” Reed yelled. The stone slabs where picking up speed they were coming closer.
Reed turned from his attempts at the door and pulled out the pistol on his right. Reed took aim at the statue in the far right corner furthest from them. “Now what is that going to do Reed, Really?” “Hopefully piss it off.” “You’re a genius Reed maybe we can antagonize it’s mother too.”
Reed pulled off a shot landing square between the eyes of the stone man. The statue recoiled than made a murmuring sound. “Did that stone just growl at me?” Reed asked. “That’s just unsettling.” Jacob replied. The statue charged at Reed axe in the air. Reed stood there waiting and just before the impact he leapt out of the way causing the statue to crash through the door.
Reed made sure he had a tight grip on the box with his left hand and started to hop over the fallen statue. “Lets go!” Reed shouted. Jacob hopped over the statue and yelled after Reed. “Did you know that would happen?” “Not a clue!” Reed shouted back.
The howling returned to Jacob but more distant now. As if he was not only running from the impossible beasts on his trail but some unseen demon lurking in the very walls that enclosed them. “Do you hear that?” Reed shouted back at Jacob. “That whistling?” Jacob asked. “Yeah what the hell is that?” “I don’t know I’ve been hearing it on and off since yesterday.” “And you didn’t think that was something you could have shared with the class Doctor? I mean Christ that is disturbing.” “I thought I was going crazy okay.” Jacob defended. “Well we’re both going nuts then.”
The two kept running at full tilt for half a mile until they both settled down to a jog. Winded Jacob asked Reed “Think it’s safe to slow down?” “I don’t know Doc, that thing was fast for being 3 tons over weight.” The two slowed to a fast walk huffing and puffing holding there sides, Reed was favoring his injured leg. At the one and a half mile marker both were stopped dead in there tracks completely out of breath.
“You still hear the whistling doc?” “yeah a little.” “Good” Reed said relieved that it wasn’t just in his head. The two stood in silence for a moment. “Did you hear that?” Reed asked. The tunnel filled with a low thumping. POUND POUND POUND POUND. “yeah…yeah I heard it.” POUND POUND POUND. The hallway was now echoing with thumping. Soon the walls the two explorers were leaning against began to shake. At the slightest tremble both men were off like a shot again. Jacob struggled to maintain balance as the entire cavern was shaking now. Jacob’s mind wandered back to the one and only earth quake he was in and how terrified he was. He was ten years old again frightened at the motion of the earth beneath him. While Reed was obviously thrown off balance it only served to quicken his pace, the adrenaline over shadowing the fact that his leg was still bleeding.
The men saw the five mile marker they had left. “HALF WAY DOCTOR!” Reed shouted out. The two unable to breathe but still unable to stop were falling over there feet struggling to get back up with each tumble. Reed looked back to make sure the good doctor was still behind him at the seventh mile. His gaze was diverted however at the six foot stone soldier barreling down on them. Reed stopped dead in his tracks almost causing Jacob to slam into him. “What are you doing?!” Jacob demanded. “Keep running.” Reed commanded. Jacob didn’t have to be asked twice once he saw what was coming down the tunnel. Reed handed the box to Jacob and Jacob was off.
Reed grabbed his pistol and began firing. Each strike of led on stone only made the impending doom rush quicker to envelop Reed. Reed stood staring down the stone soldier waiting, his eyes wild with excitement and anticipation. “Wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…NOW.” With that Reed dove at the beasts feet barrel rolling between its legs grabbing one of the legs as he fell. Reed thought his arm was going to tear out of his socket as he pulled against the leg made of granite. His efforts were fruitful however and the soldier lost its balance falling face first. The impact shook the cavern; the shock was felt by Jacob who had already run a quarter mile.
Reed hopped over the beast and started running again. He looked back only to see the tunnel being blocked off by falling stones. The cavern was falling to pieces and even worse Reed and Jacob could hear the soldiers barreling through every barricade the earth threw at them. Mile nine came and went, one more mile to go. Sweat was pouring down there faces but they could see the door way in the distance. Both Jacob and Reed who had caught up summoned every ounce of energy they could muster from there burning legs, there piercing lungs, there splitting sides just to make it to the finish line.
The two emerged from the doorway and scrambled to get to the ladder. It appeared as if they where safe they were going to make it. Just as this though crossed both there minds, just as they both had made it half way up the ladder they heard the thumping again. Jacob almost fell of the ladder the earth was shaking it so.
Jacob could smell fresh air, he could feel the smoldering sand on his hand as he reached out of the chasm. He pulled his body up onto safe ground and looked down to help Reed up. Jacob had his hand extended when he saw two stone soldiers coming up to the ladder. Each soldier took one end. “COME ON REED GRAB MY HAND!” But it was too late. The beasts had yanked the ladder clean off the bolts that secured it to the ground. Jacob turned and winced at the sound of Reed’s head being crushed under a foot made of granite.
Jacob could see the earth shaking from where they had been and it was getting closer. Soon where he sat was trembling and he felt the force of hundreds of pounds of sand pouring into the chasm they had discovered. Jacob scrambled to get out of the grip of this make shift quick sand. He clawed his way to a hill near by finally reaching safe ground. He watched as the water tanker moved with the sand, the entire dig site being pulled into the darkness. The campsite was devoid of all human life, the team obviously frightened off by the rumbling in the distance.
Jacob waited for the sand to settle and than he mounted Reed’s horse and started his ride back to the city to tell his story, though he was almost certain it would be another point of ridicule. There where a dozen suits with a million questions back at the embassy. Jacob was practically catatonic and only responded “Read my report.” When asked where was the team, where was Reed, Jacob told the truth. “There not coming back.” Jacob stepped on to the private jet Reed used to come in.
He was half way across the ocean when he heard it. The whispering, it was low and melodic, haunting even. It wasn’t the howling anymore, more like a beckoning. Jacob removed the small wooden box from his pack and every inch of his body rejected the possibility of this small token sitting in his hand. Jacob couldn’t tell what kind of wood this box was, it certainly felt like wood, all be it no kind of wood his skin has ever touched before.
His eyes glued to the top of the box, some singe marks on the side, hinges that attached the top to the rest and the whispering no longer surrounded him, it was coming from one obvious direction. His heart pumped in his chest, his brow began to sweat and his hand shook as he placed his fingers on the sides of the box. He was going to see what Reed died for. He was going to find out what was so goddamn valuable.
The box creaked as the top of the box was lifted slowly, quarter inch by quarter inch. With every inch the whispering became louder, more melodic, a begging of tormented spirits. Where these whispering souls pleading with Jacob or warning him?
The box was now open and Jacob peered inside. Blackness, he couldn’t even see a bottom. Just as he leaned his eyes over the edge of the opening of the box though, the whispering turned into whistling wind. Papers in the plan swirled around him. Jacob’s eyes widened at what he saw. In an instant every hair on his body turned white. Jacob’s mouth was contorted as if he were trying to let out a scream but no sound came from him, just the wind rushing out of the box.
Jacob’s heart was pounding; he had nothing to describe the horrors that were inside the darkness, nothing to compare it to. He had no child hood memory to fall on, something that would allow him to make sense of the void he was now staring into.
Jacob finally was able to orchestrate his hands to the top of the box closing the lid, but it was too late. Jacob’s mind was now trapped in the darkness. Everything he looked at was black. All he could see was the void. He didn’t know that the engines had stopped. He didn’t feel the plane tip into a vertical nose dive. He didn’t acknowledge the violent shaking as the plane hit water. He didn’t try and swim away as the plane filled with water.
His feet, his legs, his chest, his neck and finally his head submerged in the sea. The box floated through the plane, floating at the top towards the cock pit. The current took the box out of the shattered cock pit window and the box floated to the surface. It was pushed along the current further and further from its victims, the whispering of lost souls and minds still surrounding the horror that is…The Shadow Box.
The air is dry, the sun unrelenting, the sand smoldering. The desert is a slave driver with no mercy or concern for human life, it just takes. It dissolves every useful thing in your body just because it can. These are the things running through Jacob’s mind as he digs his chisel into each slab of granite. 100 men, a quarter of a million dollars and six months in hell, still no results.
Jacob was hand picked for this assignment. Actually ’picked’ is putting it lightly, more like he was hunted down like a rabid dog for this dig. He was an unsung aficionado of lost and rare artifacts. He worked for seven years as the head librarian of The Library of Congress. He was the catch all of knowledge at the Smithsonian for over 12 years. If you worked in the Smithsonian and you needed something found out Dr. Jacob was your man. Some how, however for all his knowledge and expertise traditional success still eluded him, in fact this was Jacob’s first substantial dig.
Jacob was always just missing the big discoveries. He was in the Congo researching a dieing civilization when he should have been in Egypt uncovering Tut’s tomb. He was vacationing in the Himalayans when he should have been in the Middle East unearthing new insights into the possibility of a real, honest to goodness Eden. That was the first vacation he had taken in six years and the last vacation he has taken since. He was laughed off the stage when presenting his theories on the very artifact he was now digging for.
Jacob was torn when he was offered this job. On the one hand this could be his big break, his synch in the book of history. On the other hand if half of what he researched about what he was looking for was true, any sane man would be running in the other direction. Than Jacob saw the check. He was on the next flight heading to the Sahara.
Jacob could hear hoof beats in the distance. He put his chisel down, grabbed a jug of water and made his way out of the dig sight to go greet his employer. Reed was nice enough, but he was an adventurer. Adventurers like Reed were unforgivably flawed in Jacob’s estimation. Reed always had a gun on each hip, a cowboy hat on his head, a messenger bag on his back and a slight madness in his eyes. If it weren’t for that look in his eyes Jacob would have written Reed off as another Indiana Jones wannabe.
Reed made his millions buying and selling priceless artifacts to who ever could get the price right. Jacob did admire Reed though, if for no other reason than for the most part he was generous. Reed looked out for number one 99.9% of the time but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a compass.
Reed was among those responsible for the uncovering of the Dead Sea Scrolls. He never made it in the papers though. That’s because instead of selling them to someone who could have turned him from millionaire to billionaire he handed them over to more knowledgeable hands. He understood the Scroll’s importance. No good deed goes un-punished however and Reed’s name was lost to oblivion.
Reed climbed off his horse to greet Jacob. “Dr.Jacob!” Reed said with a smile on his face. “How the hell are we not neck deep in fame and fortune by now, Jesus H man, thought you were the best?” Reed said laughing. That was something else that confused Jacob. Reed never got angry, about anything. Reed was once robbed of an extremely rare gold likeness of King Herod. The artifact would have been Reed’s biggest pay off to date if his best friend hadn’t taken it at gun point. Rumor is Reed just laughed and asked his partner, James, if he wanted it gift wrapped. That kind of confidence unsettled Jacob. Than again James went missing two weeks later.
“ It’s a matter of resources Reed, this kind of dig needs twice as many men as you have provided, not to sound ungrateful but frankly sir, it’s like dusting for cat shit in a sand box with a feather.” Jacob explained as he took a swig from his jug of water. “I’m just taken the piss out of you Jacob.” Reed said slapping Jacob’s arm causing him to spill a little bit of water on himself. Just then one of the diggers came running up to Jacob. “DR.JACK, DR.JACK WE NEED YOU DOWN HERE!” Jacob rolled his eyes. “HOW MANY TIMES MANUEL, MY NAME IS JACOB!” He yelled back as he followed the digger. Reed adjusted his hat as he followed behind Jacob.
Jacob rushed down to a circle of diggers, all looking down at a spot about ten feet from the wall they were working on. Jacob pushed his way through the crowd. “Move, move, what is it?” Reed kept peeking up on his toes trying to see the commotion, not wanting to push through the crowed he was content to peer. Jacob’s smile quickly faded from his face when he got to the center of the commotion only to find that the 50 gallon drum of water they were using to refill there bottles had sprung a leak.
Jacob stood stunned for a moment than tilted his head to the sky with his eyes closed. “Manuel…what the fuck is this?” “Dr. Jack we need water what are we going to do when this leaks all the water out?” Jacob with his head still tilted and eyes till shut extended his arm and index finger up and to the right directing the crowds gaze to a large tanker truck. “THAT, Manuel, is FILLED with water. In fact if my memory serves me YOU drove that god damn eyesore to this site.” Jacob lowered his gaze to Manuel. “Of course I use the term ‘drive’ loosely. More like you careened that hunk of shit half way across the desert like a drunken palsy victim with a Tonka truck. But than again why should I be surprised? You and your ‘team’”, Jacob said making exaggerated air quotes “Has done nothing but display stunning mediocrity in the face of even the most mundane of tasks.”
“I mean honestly Manuel you and your men are like a failed government experiment! Remember last week?! When you had the big break through…what was it?” “Dr. Jack.” Manuel said as he pointed at the ground at Jacob’s feet. “NO MANUEL WHY DON’T YOU TELL OUR EMPLOYER WHAT YOUR BIG FUCKING BREAK THROUGH WAS!” Manuel still pointing said once again “Dr. Jack.” “IT WAS CAMEL SHIT WASN’T IT? Not just camel shit though, oh no, it was YOUR CAMEL’S SHIT!” Reed pushed through the crowed and his eyes grew wide when he looked at Jacob’s feet. “Dr. Jack you should…” Manuel said again only to be interrupted by Jacob’s rampage. “I should what Manuel? Calm down? Stop yelling? First you stop being incompetent than maybe I will stop yelling!” Reed attempted to interrupt pointing at Jacob’s feet he says “Dr. Jacob you really should loo-“ Jacob cut Reed off as well. “I MEAN HONESTLY REED, where did you find this bunch of inbred, moronic, missing link pieces o- woa shiiiiiiii.” Jacob’s rampage was cut short and Jacob felt himself falling through the earth into nothing.
Reed rushed through the crowed and peered over the edge of the now gaping chasm. “Dr. Jacob?” “fuuuuck, Manuel…I still blame you.” “As I was saying Jacob, you should have been looking at what the water was doing to the ground, I would have tried harder to tell you the ground was coming apart underneath you but…ya know…you were just so intent.” Reed said with a laugh. “Thanks Reed.” Jacob said under his breath as he picked himself up and dusted himself off. “Will someone please throw me a flash light or something?” Jacob yelled out. A hard hart with an LED light attached fell at Jacob’s feet. Jacob attached the helmet, turned on the light and looked around. “What do you see?” Reed yelled down.
Jacob took a few steps forward, he had fallen on an incline, the further he walked the larger this under ground temple got. Eventually Jacob’s light illuminated a wall in front of him. He traced the wall with his light from top to bottom, easy fifty feet high, maybe twenty feet wide, Jacob thought. By its position Jacob could tell it was apart of what they had been chipping at all morning. When Jacob looked closer he could see writing all over the wall. Jacob looked wide eyed. “Fuck my mother.” Jacob said under his breath. “What was that Doctor?” Reed shouted down. “You better get down here Reed.” Jacob yelled up.
Within minutes Reed was climbing down a ladder that had been bolted to the ground, with his own hard hat on. Jacob was on one knee examining the wall. “What do you got for me Doctor?” “Nothing good, well it’s good but it’s not.” Reed lets out a chuckle and says “care to elaborate?” “Well you see this here?” Jacob says pointing above there head. “This is a warning, now I am not one for superstition but generally a warning means traps, traps mean danger.” “Wait a minute.” Reed interrupts “You mean to tell me that all that Temple of Doom crap is for real?” “Sometimes yeah, but it’s a crap shoot, sometimes it’s a few inactive booby traps sometimes there just defective and sometimes they are still fully active. This wall talks of guards of the damned, standing watch over hell’s parcel.” Reed raises his eyebrows and looks at Jacob. “Hell’s parcel?” “Yeah, I called it The Shadow Box in my report, ancient Greeks called it Pandora’s box, the Mayans didn’t even give it a name, who ever had the relic last must have named it Hell’s parcel.”
Reed kept staring at Jacob. “You don’t seem too worried about that description Doctor.” Jacob stood to his feet as he began to explain himself. “Well it’s no secret that good generally doesn’t follow in the wake of those who have possessed this thing. But than again some think that Solomon’s riches came directly preceding his own discovery of this relic.” “So on top of all of this the damn thing is cursed?” “Don’t be ridiculous” Jacob scoffed still staring at the imposing wall, “Spurious correlations, the Pandora’s Box thing is obviously just a Myth but every culture has an object they deify. The Temples, The Spear of Destiny even Joseph Smith’s gold tablets, we scapegoat people ancient civilization’s liked to scapegoat objects. The bright side however, the only warning I see here is of evil spirits and the fore mentioned guards of the damned.”
“Fantastic” Reed says as he slaps Jacob on the shoulder. “Now what?” Jacob looks at Reed and smiles. “Lets crack this cookie.” “I knew I liked you Dr. Jacob.” Reed said as he slapped Jacob’s arm again.
Within the hour Reed, Jacob and ten terrified diggers where standing in front of the daunting wall armed to the teeth with hiking and camping gear, MREs, flares and water. Jacob lit a flare and the entire chasm lit up. On each corner there were torch stands and Jacob could see now that the incline he fell on could have easily been used as stadium seating. This was defiantly some kind of ancient temple, Jacob thought. “Well” Jacob said as he scratched his forehead, “If this is a temple than where we are standing could just be an entry way, or this wall could serve the same purpose as the iron curtain in Judaism. Either way there should be a latch.” Jacob stood in front of the wall using his flare to examine the writing. Jacob pauses at the far side of the wall and pushes his hand against some lettering. The granite gave way and the goliath like wall turned sideways reveling the passage way behind it. “I see says the blind man.” Jacob whispered.
Reed walked through the passage way first than the digging team. Reed stood at the doorway as if he were stuck. His brow furrowed he was looking at nothing in particular, just listening. Jacob could hear whispers coming closer and closer. The whispering began to mingle and soon the soft voices turned into high pitched, loud, howling. Jacob squeezed his eyes shut, put his hands over his ears and yelled out. “Doctor, you alright?” With the sound of Reed’s voice silence reigned again. Jacob shook his head and walked through the threshold. “No, I’m just- it’s fine lets go.”
The corridor led to a trail that seemed to get narrower as you walked the path. After about three miles of walking the tunnel stopped Narrowing, now it was only seven feet tall and five feet wide. The further they walked the more this daunting feeling haunted Jacob. The closer they traveled away from the entrance the more his fear grew, as if the shadows themselves here gripping at his heart. The walk was silent, Jacob wondered if the rest of the team felt it as well. Of course Reed knew only ambition. With every mile he picked up the pace. His eyes fixed on an imaginary finish line. He continued to charge into the darkness as if it were taunting him. The darkness had a thickness to it that everyone seemed to respect but Reed. Reed just kept on, as if the darkness it’s self where taunting Reed and Reed was responding in kind, cutting through it with his helmets light, bounding in the shadows into the nothingness.
Every few Kilometers Reed would yell something out. “We’re close gentlemen I can feel it.” Or, “Just around this corner I bet.” Jacob did his best to mark the wall or ground every few miles. Around mile six Reed stopped talking all together. At mile eight the team had to jog to keep up with Reed. At mile nine Jacob finally spoke up. “REED! Slow down, I think we should set up camp here.” Reed stopped in his tracks, he looked back at the team and than back into the darkness ahead. “Fine.” Reed said as a child called in for dinner by his mother.
The team sat down almost single file and cracked open there MREs, “Meals Ready to Eat.” Reed said with a chuckle. “Meal, I’ve chewed on rubber more tender than this.” He said as he bit into the unidentified food in his hand. After a few hours Reed and Jacob could hear the team sleeping.
Jacob could hear the whispering again. It stayed low this time, quiet voices calling to him in the night, unable to be fully heard or understood. Jacob sat silently trying to decipher the words he heard in the dark. It had him entranced. Reed, obviously unable to sleep himself, broke the silence that was only silent to everyone but Jacob. “You alright Doctor?” “Hmm? Oh, yeah I’m fine.” “You know,” Reed said, “this reminds me of when I was in South Africa. I was hiking through this cave…” Reed’s voice trailed off. Jacob wasn’t listening to Reed, and he wasn’t exactly sure when Reed stopped talking but six hours after the team had settled in Reed was urging everyone back on the trail.
Reed shined a light on Jacob’s face and was startled at the condition the good doctor was in. “Holy hell man, didn’t you sleep?” Reed asked. Jacob didn’t answer he just gathered his things and stood up. The whispering was constant now. Jacob had to strain to hear what anyone else was saying.
It was only a mile more when the team hit a wall. “Doctor! Get your brilliant head over here, tell me how to open this thing.” Reed shouted. Jacob shined his light on the wall and the whispers grew. Jacob put his hand on the wall than recoiled as if he was burned by it. But when Reed felt the wall it was ice cold. Jacob’s hands flew to his ears, the whispers were screams now, Howling wind, lamenting spirits, deafening shrieks in Jacob’s ears. Jacob let out a scream as he fell to his knees ears still covered.
The team saw the state Jacob was in and they dropped there packs and ran back to the entrance. “Where are you going!” Reed yelled. “YOU STILL HAVE WORK TO DO YOU FUCKING COWARDS!” Reed knelt next to Jacob and put his hand on Jacob’s shoulder. “Doctor! Snap out of it man! DOCTOR!” Just then it was silent again. Total silence, the quiet made Jacob feel ill. He almost would prefer the screaming. “You gonna make it Doctor?” Reed asked. Jacob stood to his feet. “Let’s do this.” He said with anger in his voice.
Jacob stood to his feet now determined to see what was calling to him. He shined his light on the door and saw the same writing that gave him access to the entrance. He pushed in and this time the wall retracted into the ceiling. Reed threw a flare into the dark opening. Jacob and Reed both shielded there eyes when the flare landed and created a ball of fire. The fire settled and then trailed in a circle than outward in trails to the four corners of the room. Now there were four strips of fire coming from the middle of the room lighting up that space. In the middle of the fire circle there was a small pillar; on top of that pillar there was a small wooden box.
In between the trails of fire there where four large statues of men holding axes. “ I suppose those are the ‘guardians’ I have heard so much about.” Reed said as he stepped across the threshold. “I would be careful Reed.” Jacob said. “What’s gonna happen Doctor? Are the big scary stone men going to come to life and get us?” Reed said with a chuckle. Jacob muttered under his breath “could have done with out that thought.”
Reed moved to the middle of the room and stood in front of the ring of fire surrounding the pillar. Reed took a step forward to reach out for the box on the pillar and the block he stepped on gave way about six inches. Reed almost fell face first in the fire. “Reed…don’t move a muscle.” The two waited in silence for a moment, nothing happened. “Okay Reed, I have a feeling as soon as you take your foot off of that thing something very, very bad is about to happen so just stand still.” “So what, you expect me to stand here forever?” “No, just calm yourself Reed let me find something to counter balance your weight.” Jacob said as he looked around the room. “Ya know Jacob I was never very much of a patient man.” Reed said obviously intent on jumping off. I fucking hate adventurers. Jacob thought as he crouched down waiting for what would happen. Reed Jumped off of the block and landed on his back with his hand positioned on the pistol at his side.
They weighted a moment and nothing happened. “Fantastic.” Reed said as he stood up. “Reed, remember when I told you some of these traps are defective?” “Yeah.” “Look at the block.” Both there stomachs dropped when they saw the block that Reed had stepped on had not returned to its original position. Every scrape the block made as it slowly edged back to the surface turned a knife in the both of the explorer’s stomachs. “I’m going for it.” Read said as he reached over the flame. “REED STOP!” Jacob yelled out vainly. Just as Reeds hands were wrapped around the small box the block returned to its position and the sound, a terrible creek, echoed through the room. Reed snatched the box off the pillar and threw his body on the floor. Just as his back hit the floor thousands of pin sized holes opened up in the walls spitting needles across the room. Reed and Jacob made themselves as flush to the ground as possible as the tiny sharp projectiles whizzed in front of there faces.
After thirty seconds the whistling stopped and Jacob looked over at Reed who was holding his leg a pool of blood underneath him. “God Reed, are you okay?” “I’m fine let’s grab this box and go.” Reed grabs the box sitting next to him. Just as the two stood up and faced the door they both heard a slide, the sound of rock on rock. They turned around slowly. “Where the fuck is the pillar?” Jacob said with a mixture of fear and anger in his voice. The sound of gears moving filled the room. “Okay Time to go.” Reed said as he made his way to the door. Just before Reed crossed the threshold the door slams from the ceiling down into the floor.
Reed looked wide eyed around the room for an exit the sound of gears still barreling through the empty space. Jacob could not hear them though just the howling that bellowed in his ears once again. He could feel the whispering in his bones. Jacob just as wide eyed looked around the room, not for the exit but for the source. Without warning the gear noises stopped, so did the howling. The sickening silence crept over both of there hearts.
The silence was short lived however when the sound of stone on stone filled that space once again. “Jacob…tell me something.” “Yeah Reed?” “Do stone statues from an ancient civilization…well are they SUPPOSED to move?” “Not traditionally although my eyes are playing tricks thanks to that tasteless remark you made when you walked in.” “Jacob, tricks they are not.”
Jacob stared hard at the men in the corners of the room…they were moving. The one on the right who was holding the ax over his head is now bringing it down in front of him slowly. The others were pulling themselves out of the wall. “Okay, fuck this.” Reed said as he tried to pull the door open using his bare hands.” “It’s not going to work Reed.” “PESIMIST!” Reed yelled. The stone slabs where picking up speed they were coming closer.
Reed turned from his attempts at the door and pulled out the pistol on his right. Reed took aim at the statue in the far right corner furthest from them. “Now what is that going to do Reed, Really?” “Hopefully piss it off.” “You’re a genius Reed maybe we can antagonize it’s mother too.”
Reed pulled off a shot landing square between the eyes of the stone man. The statue recoiled than made a murmuring sound. “Did that stone just growl at me?” Reed asked. “That’s just unsettling.” Jacob replied. The statue charged at Reed axe in the air. Reed stood there waiting and just before the impact he leapt out of the way causing the statue to crash through the door.
Reed made sure he had a tight grip on the box with his left hand and started to hop over the fallen statue. “Lets go!” Reed shouted. Jacob hopped over the statue and yelled after Reed. “Did you know that would happen?” “Not a clue!” Reed shouted back.
The howling returned to Jacob but more distant now. As if he was not only running from the impossible beasts on his trail but some unseen demon lurking in the very walls that enclosed them. “Do you hear that?” Reed shouted back at Jacob. “That whistling?” Jacob asked. “Yeah what the hell is that?” “I don’t know I’ve been hearing it on and off since yesterday.” “And you didn’t think that was something you could have shared with the class Doctor? I mean Christ that is disturbing.” “I thought I was going crazy okay.” Jacob defended. “Well we’re both going nuts then.”
The two kept running at full tilt for half a mile until they both settled down to a jog. Winded Jacob asked Reed “Think it’s safe to slow down?” “I don’t know Doc, that thing was fast for being 3 tons over weight.” The two slowed to a fast walk huffing and puffing holding there sides, Reed was favoring his injured leg. At the one and a half mile marker both were stopped dead in there tracks completely out of breath.
“You still hear the whistling doc?” “yeah a little.” “Good” Reed said relieved that it wasn’t just in his head. The two stood in silence for a moment. “Did you hear that?” Reed asked. The tunnel filled with a low thumping. POUND POUND POUND POUND. “yeah…yeah I heard it.” POUND POUND POUND. The hallway was now echoing with thumping. Soon the walls the two explorers were leaning against began to shake. At the slightest tremble both men were off like a shot again. Jacob struggled to maintain balance as the entire cavern was shaking now. Jacob’s mind wandered back to the one and only earth quake he was in and how terrified he was. He was ten years old again frightened at the motion of the earth beneath him. While Reed was obviously thrown off balance it only served to quicken his pace, the adrenaline over shadowing the fact that his leg was still bleeding.
The men saw the five mile marker they had left. “HALF WAY DOCTOR!” Reed shouted out. The two unable to breathe but still unable to stop were falling over there feet struggling to get back up with each tumble. Reed looked back to make sure the good doctor was still behind him at the seventh mile. His gaze was diverted however at the six foot stone soldier barreling down on them. Reed stopped dead in his tracks almost causing Jacob to slam into him. “What are you doing?!” Jacob demanded. “Keep running.” Reed commanded. Jacob didn’t have to be asked twice once he saw what was coming down the tunnel. Reed handed the box to Jacob and Jacob was off.
Reed grabbed his pistol and began firing. Each strike of led on stone only made the impending doom rush quicker to envelop Reed. Reed stood staring down the stone soldier waiting, his eyes wild with excitement and anticipation. “Wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…NOW.” With that Reed dove at the beasts feet barrel rolling between its legs grabbing one of the legs as he fell. Reed thought his arm was going to tear out of his socket as he pulled against the leg made of granite. His efforts were fruitful however and the soldier lost its balance falling face first. The impact shook the cavern; the shock was felt by Jacob who had already run a quarter mile.
Reed hopped over the beast and started running again. He looked back only to see the tunnel being blocked off by falling stones. The cavern was falling to pieces and even worse Reed and Jacob could hear the soldiers barreling through every barricade the earth threw at them. Mile nine came and went, one more mile to go. Sweat was pouring down there faces but they could see the door way in the distance. Both Jacob and Reed who had caught up summoned every ounce of energy they could muster from there burning legs, there piercing lungs, there splitting sides just to make it to the finish line.
The two emerged from the doorway and scrambled to get to the ladder. It appeared as if they where safe they were going to make it. Just as this though crossed both there minds, just as they both had made it half way up the ladder they heard the thumping again. Jacob almost fell of the ladder the earth was shaking it so.
Jacob could smell fresh air, he could feel the smoldering sand on his hand as he reached out of the chasm. He pulled his body up onto safe ground and looked down to help Reed up. Jacob had his hand extended when he saw two stone soldiers coming up to the ladder. Each soldier took one end. “COME ON REED GRAB MY HAND!” But it was too late. The beasts had yanked the ladder clean off the bolts that secured it to the ground. Jacob turned and winced at the sound of Reed’s head being crushed under a foot made of granite.
Jacob could see the earth shaking from where they had been and it was getting closer. Soon where he sat was trembling and he felt the force of hundreds of pounds of sand pouring into the chasm they had discovered. Jacob scrambled to get out of the grip of this make shift quick sand. He clawed his way to a hill near by finally reaching safe ground. He watched as the water tanker moved with the sand, the entire dig site being pulled into the darkness. The campsite was devoid of all human life, the team obviously frightened off by the rumbling in the distance.
Jacob waited for the sand to settle and than he mounted Reed’s horse and started his ride back to the city to tell his story, though he was almost certain it would be another point of ridicule. There where a dozen suits with a million questions back at the embassy. Jacob was practically catatonic and only responded “Read my report.” When asked where was the team, where was Reed, Jacob told the truth. “There not coming back.” Jacob stepped on to the private jet Reed used to come in.
He was half way across the ocean when he heard it. The whispering, it was low and melodic, haunting even. It wasn’t the howling anymore, more like a beckoning. Jacob removed the small wooden box from his pack and every inch of his body rejected the possibility of this small token sitting in his hand. Jacob couldn’t tell what kind of wood this box was, it certainly felt like wood, all be it no kind of wood his skin has ever touched before.
His eyes glued to the top of the box, some singe marks on the side, hinges that attached the top to the rest and the whispering no longer surrounded him, it was coming from one obvious direction. His heart pumped in his chest, his brow began to sweat and his hand shook as he placed his fingers on the sides of the box. He was going to see what Reed died for. He was going to find out what was so goddamn valuable.
The box creaked as the top of the box was lifted slowly, quarter inch by quarter inch. With every inch the whispering became louder, more melodic, a begging of tormented spirits. Where these whispering souls pleading with Jacob or warning him?
The box was now open and Jacob peered inside. Blackness, he couldn’t even see a bottom. Just as he leaned his eyes over the edge of the opening of the box though, the whispering turned into whistling wind. Papers in the plan swirled around him. Jacob’s eyes widened at what he saw. In an instant every hair on his body turned white. Jacob’s mouth was contorted as if he were trying to let out a scream but no sound came from him, just the wind rushing out of the box.
Jacob’s heart was pounding; he had nothing to describe the horrors that were inside the darkness, nothing to compare it to. He had no child hood memory to fall on, something that would allow him to make sense of the void he was now staring into.
Jacob finally was able to orchestrate his hands to the top of the box closing the lid, but it was too late. Jacob’s mind was now trapped in the darkness. Everything he looked at was black. All he could see was the void. He didn’t know that the engines had stopped. He didn’t feel the plane tip into a vertical nose dive. He didn’t acknowledge the violent shaking as the plane hit water. He didn’t try and swim away as the plane filled with water.
His feet, his legs, his chest, his neck and finally his head submerged in the sea. The box floated through the plane, floating at the top towards the cock pit. The current took the box out of the shattered cock pit window and the box floated to the surface. It was pushed along the current further and further from its victims, the whispering of lost souls and minds still surrounding the horror that is…The Shadow Box.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Nobody Said It Wouldn't Come At A Price
The people who know me, know me; I like to think, as an explorer of the human condition, tourist of excess and a wanderer of the bitter landscape known as the soul. I like to think that I am hopelessly dedicated to the pursuit of truth, of honesty, of being genuine. This is the outlook I have adopted but not without a price.
It seems glamorous to call yourself a Nomad in this day and age. The image of the lone wolf has been idolized in this country for years. That’s not the case at all, the glamour, that is a lie and therefore deplorable to me. The truth is we are all wanderers in one way or another, trying to figure life out. Some people have a narrower road to travel than others. Some don’t realize that wandering is exactly what they are doing, they assume because of age, creed, a sense of political duty that they have found there Mecca, and therefore no longer need to look. But the road doesn’t stop just because you think you’ve stopped walking.
The truth is, the ones we view as a lone wolf are just conscious of the state of things. They know they don’t fit and can’t bring themselves to fake it. This isn’t a good thing, it is lonely and painful. It makes normal relationships hard if not impossible. God help the poor soul who wakes up in the midst of a life they created as a result of the expectations they had thrust upon them only to realize they can’t bare the lie. It is one thing to start life out knowing the world is skewed and feeling disconnected from it, it is another thing to spend a good chunk of that life trying to make it fit to no avail.
That isn’t to say that living your life as a disconnected vagabond searching for the genuine isn’t without its perks. Experience is my life blood. For better or worse I am bent on experiencing everything that this life has to offer. My pastor will stand next to my coffin and say “he lived a full life.” So help me God he will.
Living this way comes at a price. Not just the price of loneliness, not just the misery that always accompanies that loneliness, it gets so much worse. The ones who love you put a distance between you and them. They sense your disconnect and only greaten the divide by either physically removing themselves slowly from you, or by verbally trying to make you fit.
Round pegs who fit in round wholes always want the square pegs to join them. But no matter how much you pound or scream or sweat the square pegs will not fit. Everyone feels like this at some point in there lives, it is in fact a staple of adolescence. What happens, though, when adolescences passes you by and you realize that this is your life? What happens when you wake up and just accept your spiritual nomadic life style?
I have lost so many friends and potential friends by simply trying to challenge people. I used to ask the big questions to find out how people ticked. I don’t do that so much anymore. This self examination and the examination of others is one of the reasons I am hurting so completely now.
Nobody said that these things didn’t come at a cost. In fact just the opposite, I was told at a young age very specifically that being your own person comes at great risk. I was informed that there is a price to pay for looking too hard. I was urged again and again to simplify. I was told I was making things more difficult than they needed to be. It may be true that I make things difficult; but I do so out of the interest of being not only thorough in my life experience, but also in the interest of honesty.
This isn’t a call to arms, this isn’t a recruitment blog. This isn’t me blowing my own horn or self advertising. This is a confession.
I feel disconnected and lonely, I make things complicated and I have a very simple moral code. I refuse to settle for “just okay.” I can’t make myself fit into the frame that has been given to me. I can’t make myself fit in any sense of that word.
This is my confession, I am a self loathing, narcissistic, sadist with a combination god and inferiority complex. I call myself a nomad because I don’t feel “home” anywhere and that is something I have accepted as a permanent condition.
This is my confession…
I am Kyle Hoskins…and I’m fucked up…but I’m okay with that.
It seems glamorous to call yourself a Nomad in this day and age. The image of the lone wolf has been idolized in this country for years. That’s not the case at all, the glamour, that is a lie and therefore deplorable to me. The truth is we are all wanderers in one way or another, trying to figure life out. Some people have a narrower road to travel than others. Some don’t realize that wandering is exactly what they are doing, they assume because of age, creed, a sense of political duty that they have found there Mecca, and therefore no longer need to look. But the road doesn’t stop just because you think you’ve stopped walking.
The truth is, the ones we view as a lone wolf are just conscious of the state of things. They know they don’t fit and can’t bring themselves to fake it. This isn’t a good thing, it is lonely and painful. It makes normal relationships hard if not impossible. God help the poor soul who wakes up in the midst of a life they created as a result of the expectations they had thrust upon them only to realize they can’t bare the lie. It is one thing to start life out knowing the world is skewed and feeling disconnected from it, it is another thing to spend a good chunk of that life trying to make it fit to no avail.
That isn’t to say that living your life as a disconnected vagabond searching for the genuine isn’t without its perks. Experience is my life blood. For better or worse I am bent on experiencing everything that this life has to offer. My pastor will stand next to my coffin and say “he lived a full life.” So help me God he will.
Living this way comes at a price. Not just the price of loneliness, not just the misery that always accompanies that loneliness, it gets so much worse. The ones who love you put a distance between you and them. They sense your disconnect and only greaten the divide by either physically removing themselves slowly from you, or by verbally trying to make you fit.
Round pegs who fit in round wholes always want the square pegs to join them. But no matter how much you pound or scream or sweat the square pegs will not fit. Everyone feels like this at some point in there lives, it is in fact a staple of adolescence. What happens, though, when adolescences passes you by and you realize that this is your life? What happens when you wake up and just accept your spiritual nomadic life style?
I have lost so many friends and potential friends by simply trying to challenge people. I used to ask the big questions to find out how people ticked. I don’t do that so much anymore. This self examination and the examination of others is one of the reasons I am hurting so completely now.
Nobody said that these things didn’t come at a cost. In fact just the opposite, I was told at a young age very specifically that being your own person comes at great risk. I was informed that there is a price to pay for looking too hard. I was urged again and again to simplify. I was told I was making things more difficult than they needed to be. It may be true that I make things difficult; but I do so out of the interest of being not only thorough in my life experience, but also in the interest of honesty.
This isn’t a call to arms, this isn’t a recruitment blog. This isn’t me blowing my own horn or self advertising. This is a confession.
I feel disconnected and lonely, I make things complicated and I have a very simple moral code. I refuse to settle for “just okay.” I can’t make myself fit into the frame that has been given to me. I can’t make myself fit in any sense of that word.
This is my confession, I am a self loathing, narcissistic, sadist with a combination god and inferiority complex. I call myself a nomad because I don’t feel “home” anywhere and that is something I have accepted as a permanent condition.
This is my confession…
I am Kyle Hoskins…and I’m fucked up…but I’m okay with that.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Carpe Deim
A lot of you know that I have been going through a rough month. Life has barreled down on me with all the rage, fury and irony that I have come to expect from life. It is at times business as usual and at other times the most confusing and painful thing I have ever experienced. Some how though, life goes on.
I’m kept up at night by nightmares of terrible unseen things in the darkness. In my waking hours my head is swimming in a swamp of uncertainty, extreme conviction and playful escapism. And yet life goes on. I wake up in the morning send out a few resumes try and write and work on escaping some more and do it again the next day.
Life goes on in the exciting, painful, ironic way it does. The only thing that makes what is happening unique and fun and terrifying is our individuality. Is it interesting that a man is going through struggles or that a woman is feeling uncertain about her future? Not necessarily. But if you know that that man is someone who has shown feats of greatness as well as displayed the marks of deep seeded demons, then you have a story you can tell. If you know that that woman is someone who people trust and that sometimes when she is laying in bed at night the secrets that flow through her head make her break out in a cold sweat, you now care.
It could be very tempting to think to ourselves that our problems don’t matter. “It doesn’t matter that my family is driving me nuts because so and so is dealing with a death.” “It doesn’t matter that my love life is a wreck because so and so is in deep need of rehab.” These thoughts rob us of something. They rob us of our importance, of the gravity of life. It does matter that your family’s disappointment of you or your disappointment of them has caused you to break down in silent weeps at the witching hour. It matters because it is happening to you and because you matter.
it is unfair to rob yourself of experiencing that hardship just because you don’t think your problems are worth voicing. If we dismiss our present we dismiss our future. If we diminish our past we diminish ourselves. This life isn’t about “going on.” Life goes on, we do so much more.
We love and laugh, cry and cringe. We feel longing and desire we get horny and angry sometimes all at the same time and there is a reason for it. Because ultimately, all of this is worth it. Everything this life hands us is exciting. To keep yourself from experiencing the excitement of love lost or gained, to keep ourselves from knowing what it’s like to be addicted to something or to feel unusually attached to something that seems small is to stop life from meaning anything. Life doesn’t have to just happen. Life is meant to be experienced, tasted, mourned and reveled in. Escape if you must, some of the most inviting arms I have jumped to were attached to a whiskey bottle. Dwell if you have no other choice, sometimes that is exactly what you need. If you need to scream, cry, laugh, fuck, jump, kiss, run, twirl or any other verb…do it. Life is experienced by the courageous, the stupid and the crazy if you’re not in any of these camps I suggest working on getting into at least one of them.
I am not sure why I am writing this but it seemed like the thing to do and I don’t think I want to be in the business of ignoring “the thing to do” anymore.
I’m kept up at night by nightmares of terrible unseen things in the darkness. In my waking hours my head is swimming in a swamp of uncertainty, extreme conviction and playful escapism. And yet life goes on. I wake up in the morning send out a few resumes try and write and work on escaping some more and do it again the next day.
Life goes on in the exciting, painful, ironic way it does. The only thing that makes what is happening unique and fun and terrifying is our individuality. Is it interesting that a man is going through struggles or that a woman is feeling uncertain about her future? Not necessarily. But if you know that that man is someone who has shown feats of greatness as well as displayed the marks of deep seeded demons, then you have a story you can tell. If you know that that woman is someone who people trust and that sometimes when she is laying in bed at night the secrets that flow through her head make her break out in a cold sweat, you now care.
It could be very tempting to think to ourselves that our problems don’t matter. “It doesn’t matter that my family is driving me nuts because so and so is dealing with a death.” “It doesn’t matter that my love life is a wreck because so and so is in deep need of rehab.” These thoughts rob us of something. They rob us of our importance, of the gravity of life. It does matter that your family’s disappointment of you or your disappointment of them has caused you to break down in silent weeps at the witching hour. It matters because it is happening to you and because you matter.
it is unfair to rob yourself of experiencing that hardship just because you don’t think your problems are worth voicing. If we dismiss our present we dismiss our future. If we diminish our past we diminish ourselves. This life isn’t about “going on.” Life goes on, we do so much more.
We love and laugh, cry and cringe. We feel longing and desire we get horny and angry sometimes all at the same time and there is a reason for it. Because ultimately, all of this is worth it. Everything this life hands us is exciting. To keep yourself from experiencing the excitement of love lost or gained, to keep ourselves from knowing what it’s like to be addicted to something or to feel unusually attached to something that seems small is to stop life from meaning anything. Life doesn’t have to just happen. Life is meant to be experienced, tasted, mourned and reveled in. Escape if you must, some of the most inviting arms I have jumped to were attached to a whiskey bottle. Dwell if you have no other choice, sometimes that is exactly what you need. If you need to scream, cry, laugh, fuck, jump, kiss, run, twirl or any other verb…do it. Life is experienced by the courageous, the stupid and the crazy if you’re not in any of these camps I suggest working on getting into at least one of them.
I am not sure why I am writing this but it seemed like the thing to do and I don’t think I want to be in the business of ignoring “the thing to do” anymore.
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